“Hola,

As of last Thursday, part-time actress and full- time drug addict, Lindsay Lohan began serving 35 days of house arrest.  I think it stems from the $2500 necklace she stole, but I don’t know…and really, care.  One way or another, Lindsay is, for all intents and purposes, locked IN.  That’s the exact opposite problem of NFL players who, for as long as the team owners are willing to give them the run- around, are locked OUT.  Then there’s Jesse Hottinger of Akron, Ohio, who was arrested over the weekend for destroying a security camera at an apartment complex so that no one could see him break in.  It should be noted that it was the apartment complex where he lives and the apartment he was breaking into was the one HE LIVED IN.  He’d lost his keys and was locked out.  (???)  You might remember back in March; President Obama returned to the White House after a trip to Latin America, only to be stuck on a patio outside because he was locked out of the Oval Office.  Apparently, no one knew when he was scheduled to return (and why would they?  He’s the President of the United F**king States of America) so the door was locked.  And then there’s are own Miles Montgomery, who locked himself and a rather large, albeit friendly dog out of a house… but it was neither his house nor his dog.  Quality dog sitting, bitches.  This leads to today’s question:  PHYSICALLY OR FIGURATIVELY, WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN LOCKED IN OR LOCKED OUT?

OK, I would have typed up all kinds of different answers from today, but truly and honestly, I’m ‘recovering’ from an unplanned 6- day bender.  Don’t know how it happened, but it’s been a crazy week.  A very good week, but crazy.  Apologies all around.

SIT and SPIN

Click here for Jolene’s take on this weeks Sit and Spin, we went full  Metal!

Until tomorrow, drink less, sleep more and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

5/31/2011

A Sit N Spin without Coldplay? Yes, but not without the norm hijinks!

RONNIE JAMES DIO: Tops Among Metal Singers

Ronnie James Dio is the all-time best heavy metal singer, according to NME. The U.K. magazine says he had a “set of lungs that were a thousand times more powerful than his stature suggested.” Other screamers to make the Top 10 include:
• Judas Priest’s Rob Halford at number-four — “Rocks harder than a rocking chair on a rowing boat in a storm.”
• Ozzy Osbourne at number-five — “His trademark melodies and manic stage presence have made for years of compelling viewing.”
• Alice Cooper at number-10 — “He’s 63 years old and still rocks like a hurricane.”

1) Ronnie James Dio – Elf, Rainbow, Dio, Black Sabbath, Heaven and Hell
2) Mike Patton – Faith No More, Mr. Bungle
3) Bruce Dickinson – Iron Maiden
4) Rob Halford – Judas Priest, Halford
5) Ozzy Osbourne – Black Sabbath
6) Axl Rose – Guns n’ Roses
7) Corey Taylor – Slipknot, Stone Sour
Phil Anselmo – Pantera, Down
9) James Hetfield – Metallica
10) Alice Cooper

Till next week!
Jolene

I get phone calls and e-mail from time to time asking if running has helped me lose any weight.  Has it ever!  Check out these before and after photos.

BEFORE:

 AFTER:

“Hola,

The fine folks at Nutrasystem conducted a survey to find out what people would rather have, their dream body or one million dollars?  78% of Americans would take the money… and why not?  Most people want a “perfect” body for the confidence and to appeal to the opposite sex… or the SAME sex, if you swing that way… and if you’re a millionaire, you’ll be confident and very, very, VERY appealing to the opposite sex.  In that sense, they’re not all that different.  Mister Poll.com (which isn’t a porn site, just SOUNDS like one) asked people what they would be willing to do for a million dollars and included a list of choices, like have a limb amputated, put a pet to sleep, have all of your teeth removed, play Russian Roulette, have a sex change or marry someone who is 700 pounds, and on and on it went.  Then there’s a guy named Brian Kingrey who neither likes baseball nor baseball video games, but when 2K Sports held a contest to give one million dollars to the first person who could pitch a perfect game on their MLB 2K11, Brian gave it a go… and WON.  It only took him two hours.  What does he plan to do with the money?  If you guessed ‘buy a new refrigerator’, you’re right.  Oh, you guessed something different?  For today’s Friday Fantasy Question we wanted you to channel your inner whore and tell us WHAT WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO DO OR GIVE UP FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS?

Would give up masturbation, which I find ridiculous.  I couldn’t give up masturbation if I WANTED to, and I can’t think of a single scenario where I’d want to.  Like self- love too much.

Would give up his wife and 4 children for a million dollars… because NOTHING is as important as family… except a cool mill

Would give up listening to our “abortion of a show”… it would take a million dollars to stop listening to a show you don’t like?  You know, most people do it for free; it’s a little thing called CHANGING THE STATION.  Give it a try… it’ll change your life AND you’ll seem less stupid.  It’s a win/ win.  You’re welcome.

His left testicle… why is that everyone always picks their LEFT testicle?  What’s wrong with the left berry?

Would give up bacon OR tequila, but not both.  I like his thinking

One desperate caller (who we had to dump) said he would “suck the p**p off of a d**k” for one million dollars.  Some people need the cash more than others, I suppose.

Would give up BOTH testicles for a million dollars.  I would not do that.

Would give up alcohol… just not worth it to me

Says they would eat a slug… that doesn’t seem very adventurous for a million dollars, but then again, if I had to eat a slug I would demand a mill

Would eat one of his own kidneys in exchange for a million dollars

He’s a guy, but he’d get breast implants for a million bucks

She would sleep with every member of this show for a million dollars.  Depending what she looks like, we might arrange that.

OK bitches, it’s Memorial Day weekend, so hopefully you’ve got three days off.  Either way, remember what we’re celebrating on Monday.

Until Tuesday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

Here’s a great tool to use while planning your run on the Burke Gilman or Sammamish River Trails.

    What up blogger? So I know a lot of people that smoke cigarettes and they love to smoke when drinking. I should not act high and mighty i used to enjoy some smokes while drinking but anyhow some things just go together. It’s like hot chicks and Thee Ted Smith. They love me and date them all for a night if you know what i am saying. I am lieing I don’t know why I typed that hot chicks don’t flock to me at all unless they are trying to be rock girls. Anyhow i dicress, like I was saying somethings go great together like pizza and tv. Now ordering a pizza while doing anything is fun and pizza always taste good but man when they delivery that hot pizza and you get to sit on your couch and just chill out, just you and the tv and the pizza. Sometimes that is all you need for a fun night. I like pizza any night but feel that i oreder it most on the weekends. I got one the other day that had meatballs and carmalized onions on it and it was great. A little fancy and pricey but well worth it in my mind. Man i am hungry now are you well if your not mention it again. Pizza and Tv and your couch. Yeah your feeling it

“Hola,

Imagine sitting in your house when a dump truck suddenly comes crashing through your wall.  Now imagine that the driver of the truck decides to pick a fight with you.  To make this all the better, imagine that the guy who drove the dump truck into your house and picked a fight with you is also NAKED.  That’s exactly what happened to one unfortunate soul in South Berwick, Maine.  Good times.  Imagine that you’re a cop in Nevada and you’re trying to convince a naked man to stop walking down the middle of the highway.  Now imagine that when you order him to stop, he runs into a crowded casino.  Yep, that’s when you Tazer him… despite his claims that he’s the Terminator, sent from the future.  Turns out he wasn’t a Terminator, just high on LSD.  OK, imagine you’re a dentist in Connecticut and your appointment shows up late… 5 DAYS late… AND naked.  Yea, it happened.  If you ever want to make a situation awkward, get naked.  Most of us have had an unfortunate experience with nudity, made worse by the fact that YOU were the nude person.  OTHER THAN SEX, WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU INVOLVED IN NUDITY GONE WRONG?

Skinny dipping at a resort when a random family showed up

His 15 year old daughter came home early and caught him stepping out of the shower

In Montana for a wedding, decided to go streaking and ended up in a biker bar

Got pulled over while driving naked (???)… don’t drive naked

Got drunk and had the bright idea to get naked and chase a goat.  I’m willing to bet that the goat still tells the story; “you’ll never guessed what happed to ME!”

Getting out of the shower, hears her dog going crazy, so she opens the door to let it out, but the cat ran outside too.  She chases the cat onto the driveway, forgetting that she’s naked until the newspaper delivery guy said “good morning”

Changing out of her prom dress in the front seat of a car, was discovered by a cop, but he let her off.

Crapped his pants just outside of a bathroom, went INTO the bathroom to change his drawers when another guy who needed to crap came running in and crashed into his poop- stained ass

Got crabs in jail and had to shave ALL of his hair off… in front of 50 inmates

To make a point, he rode a motorcycle naked… and crashed it… in front of a bunch of high school students

OK bitches, I’m outta here.

Until tomorrow, wake me when it’s over and STAY BEAUTIFUL!

5/25/2011

Judas Priest on the season finale of American Idol?

So obviously no replacing KK. But the KK clone was pretty spot on. Now before everybody starts throwing lemons over Priest being on AI think about this. Many 6 or 7 year old kids will see and hear Judas Priest for the first time and it will blow their little minds! Much like it did for many of us seeing or hearing or said band for the first time. For some it will be a defining moment in a young life.

Here is the link to see the preformance!
 http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabber…

Now as far as the farewell tour is concerned read up!!!

British metal stalwarts Judas Priest have an eventful few months ahead: The band recently announced a farewell tour and have welcomed a new guitarist, Richie Faulkner, to replace the recently retired KK Downing.

“It’s not exactly the end of the band, it’s just the fact that we won’t really be doing any more world tours,” guitarist Glenn Tipton tells Rolling Stone. “It takes a big chunk out of your life. We’ve been doing it for 40 years now or close to it, and we all love that moment on stage, but it’s difficult to be away from home and all the traveling involved. Now, if somebody came along and said, ‘Would you do a small string of dates,’ we wouldn’t automatically say no to that. But in general, this is probably the last chance you’ll get to see Priest live.”

Choose Rolling Stone’s Cover: The Sheepdogs vs. Lelia Broussard. Vote Now!

On this tour – dubbed the Epitaph Tour – Priest will be working in new guitarist Faulkner, who sees his playing style as similar to his predecessor’s. “My take on KK’s playing was he improvised quite a lot live,” says Faulkner. “It was kind of a basic framework around the solo that was on the record, and then he would go off a bit on that. So my style is kind of the same as that – I normally take what’s in the solo and just play around with it a bit. But it keeps the essence of the solo there.”

Priest singer Rob Halford also revealed that the group has also been working on all-new material. “We do have some completed tracks that we’ve been talking about in the last few days, as to how we can feed those out to our fans,” he says. “We wanted to make at least one more great metal album that really represents all the wonderful things we’ve tried to do. If things go as planned, we want to get this out by the summer of next year.”

The Return of ‘British Steel’: Rob Halford Q&A

But the first order of business will be the upcoming tour, which as of now kicks off October 12th in San Antonio and wraps up November 18th in East Rutherford, New Jersey (though more dates should be announced soon), with support acts Thin Lizzy and Black Label Society. “We’re doing a track off every album,” says Tipton, rattling off songs the band is planning on performing – from tracks like “Never Satisfied” (which Tipton says the band has never played before) to classics like “Hell Bent for Leather” and “Electric Eye.”

And the band plans to go out in what can only be termed a blaze of glory. “We’re pulling out all the stops,” says Halford. “We’ve built a brand new stage set, we’ve got all the effects that people love us for – the lasers, the fire, the bombs, the smoke, new costumes, and the bike. It’s just a full-on metal extravaganza.”

The tour with Black Label Society and the new version of Thin Lizzy will be coming our way in late October.

Have a killer night gang,
Jolene

“Hola,

There’s new book coming out called Those Guys Have All the Fun, and it’s a book about what goes on behind the scenes at ESPN.  According to the book, ESPN Christmas parties are little more than organized orgies with all kinds of drugs in the bathroom, anchors would (or do) have sex in the hallways of work (classy), one of them is/ was the drug dealer for the other anchors, a group of secretaries made/ make extra cash moonlighting as hookers and, apparently, Chris Berman is a complete douche.  This is all according to the book.  ESPN, of course, denies that any of this kind of thing happens.  Having worked a few years at a sports station myself, I’m betting that this book is right on the money.  I can’t even tell you some of the things I’ve seen, heard or experienced in that particular world.  However, it pales in comparison to some of the things I could count on when I worked in restaurants.  I don’t know if it’s still the same (although I’m betting it is) after the night shift, you could count on drugs, booze and sex, and that was the one redeeming quality (for me, anyway) of that line of work.  The truth is, no matter what line of work you’re in, there are things that happen there that no one else knows about except the people who work there… and that’s what our question is all about:  WHAT’S THE BEST WORK PLACE SHENANIGANS YOU’VE EVER BEEN A PART OF?

Used to work for an airline at Sea- Tac… would drink, do drugs and f**k at work a lot.  On a side note, he points out that more women than you’d think travel with their vibrators

“Magic” mushroom pizzas at the pizza place he used to work

Works at a call center, gets drunk “most of the time”

Works at a fair and skims tickets… nice

Became the bookie for his co- workers at a warehouse

He worked as a toxicologist evaluating urine samples… was always stoned.  Ironic; no drug tests for people who tests you for drugs

Brings kegs to his job at a movie theatre

As a firefighter, he and the boys fire off all of the fireworks they confiscate… what did you THINK they did with them?

Apparently people in the optical field are notorious for drinking and smoking during their lunch breaks

Signed a “redneck” co- worker for the PETA newsletter

On and on it went… all kinds of practical jokes, excessive drug use, copious amounts of alcohol, etc.

OK, we’re all on our way to tonight’s Sounders game, so I bid you adieu.

Until tomorrow, kiss a crook and STAY BEAUTIFUL!

So does this mean they’re compost-able?