Maybe the best song ever. No, not Friday. GANG FIGHT!

“Hola,

The fine folks at Hallmark, those witty rhyme- masters behind the greeting cards, just conducted a survey and discovered that the age at which a woman becomes her mother is 32 years old.  We don’t know what “scientific” methodology they used to come up with that number (although we suspect it was akin to pulling the number “32” out of their ass) but there it is.  Meanwhile, across the ‘pond’, psychology professor Car Cooper, at Lancaster University in England, conducted a survey of men and women and determined that women start feeling old at 29 years old, while men don’t start feeling old until we’re 58.  So the next time your woman says, “aren’t you too old to be doing…”, you can look her in the eye and tell her, “no, but YOU are.”  You’ll still end up sleeping on the sofa, but you’ll be right.  Why is there this difference in perception of ‘old’?  Seems that women start feeling old when they encounter a gray hair or two and when their boobs start sagging.  For men, it’s when our d*cks stop working.  It’s really that simple.  Anyway, we recognize that the federal government recognizes that you’re an adult at age 18, and the recognizes you as a responsible one at age 21, but let’s face it, most of us just feel like big kids until, well, whatever happened that inspires your answer to today’s question:  WHEN DID YOU FEEL OLD?

I don’t really feel “old” (in spite of being old), but in the time I’ve been with my wife, she’s gone from being able to count the gray hairs in my beard to now LOSING count of the gray hairs in my beard.  Either I’m getting grayer, or she’s losing her cognitive ability.

Here are some your answers to today’s question:

When Playboy bunnies’ birthdays are the same year as his high school graduation

Started making moves on a chick who wasn’t old enough to get into the bar

When his 6- year- old asked if he drove cars or rode horses when he was growing up

When she became a grandma at 36… or maybe when she became a mother at 17… the apple does not fall far from the tree

Had surgery on her ovaries, which put her into menopause… she’s 19

Went back to college at 25 and felt old

When some kid called her “old”… she’s 27… and obviously looks like sh*t

At 21 years old he started to think that the “kids” were playing their music too loud

Started feeling old when he had a heart attack… fair enough

When his youngest kid turned 20

E’s 24, but he felt old when he had to explain to his 15 year old neighbor that Facebook didn’t exist when he was his age

Just saw 4 teens hanging out in his driveway and actually considered calling the police… relax man

Turned 27, got a lower insurance rate and was told it was because he was old

First time he said, “in my day…”

She’s 36 and just got ‘roids… which begs the question, ‘what are you wearing, you sexy beast?’

When she ran into the kids she used to babysit… at a bar

When he got cancer… at age 22

When a night out is planned two weeks in advance

When he was more attracted to the mother than the daughter… I don’t know what mother and daughter he’s referring to, but I get his point

Knew they were getting older when their knees became accurate at predicting the weather

TIM HARRISON:

You probably don’t know who this guy is, but you’ll want to.  This is the guy who’s called when wild animals make their way into the public and do things like start eating people.  Your full- grown pet tiger escaped and is roaming the neighborhood?  Tim’s the guy you call.  Is there a venomous cobra loose in your attic?  Call Tim.  Chimpanzee ripped your buddies face off?  Tim.  Anyway, there’s a documentary featuring him called “The Elephant in the Living Room”.  It premiers in Seattle on April 15th and we think it’ll be worth seeing.  The man had some truly insane stories.  Check it out.

OK, New Originals practice tonight… and we need it.

Until tomorrow, pass it to the left and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

Wrestlemania is this weekend. Since I can’t post actual wrestling, I thought I would warm you up for this weekend with the next best thing. Half-wits beating each other up behind mom’s trailer. Enjoy!

Talk about a dilemma…this morning we talked about the unluckiest man alive. Now…ok…maybe he isn’t the unluckiest man alive…I think that distinction goes to a guy comedian Buddy Hackett joked about: The luckiest man in the world is a conjoined twin, that is straight, but his other half is gay, and they share the same rear end….that is the unluckiest guy, but this dude is definitely having a bad day:

Last Friday, a team of seven IT workers from the New York state Homes and Community Renewal Agency in Albany, New York bought their weekly Mega Millions lottery tickets . . . AND WON. They overcame one-in-176 million odds to win a $319 MILLION Mega Millions jackpot. And obviously, that’s great news. Except for one guy from their office. According to the reports, this guy throws in on the lottery pool every week. But last week, he decided to save a few bucks by sitting out. Jill Cook owns Cook’s Deli in Albany where the IT workers always eat lunch. She says, quote, “The word is that when they were going around the office, [this guy] said no, he wasn’t feeling lucky. “They asked him twice. They said, ‘Are you sure?’ And he said yeah, he was going to pass this time. I feel horrible for him.” His co-workers took the lump sum option. Divided evenly, they’re all going to wind up with $16 MILLION after taxes. If this other guy had jumped in, the pie would’ve been divided eight ways, and they all would’ve taken home about $14 MILLION.

When I first heard this story…all I could think is that they HAVE to include him in the winnings…other wise blood is on his hands as the dude might off himself. BJ then introduced a better idea…instead of splitting it 8 ways so that he gets 14 million as well…each person should gibe him a million bucks, so that he gets 7 million dollars. His got my greedy juices flowing…at that point….each person could given him a half million, and he would still have 3.5 million bucks. I would give him cash to not only outta fear for his life, but hell…for my life as well…the guy might go postal!

If you aren’t watching the TV show Lights Out, you are missing out on one of the best shows on television. It’s on FX…I have no idea what day or time it’s on, as I watch it On Demand…the episodes are On Demand, check it out…especially if you are a boxing fan. Another show I love…Unwrapped with Marc (Double Dare) Summers. The show rules as I love finding out how they make stuff…and I swear recently they were reading my mind. I love Pop Chips (new kind of Potato Chip), and these chips aren’t baked or fried…they are popped! I had no idea how that was done, so I remember saying to my wife (yes, I have conversations like this with my woman)…I wish Unwrapped would do a segment on Pop Chips. Well they did, and I left that segment unsatisfied…yes they showed us how they make it…well kind of…they left out the secret way they turn the potato into a small pellet before they “pop” it. I hate when people won’t give us a clue as to what their secret is. I understand they need to keep it a secret, but at that point…it’s almost pointless to do a segment on them. Regardless…Pop Chips rule…especially the Salt & Vinegar kind.

Last night, after I went on a monologue about why I love chocolate blizzards to my wife…she pointed out something to me…”Do you think about food all the time, because you sure do talk about food a lot?”  Sadly yes, there isn’t a moment that goes by where I am not thinking about eating something.  For instance…right now I would love to go to the Wing Dome, and stuff my face with chicken wings.  Have you been to the new Wing Dome in West Seattle?  Its pretty sweet.

As I type this…Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” has 69 million views on You Tube. I wonder how soon until it hits 100 millions views? God bless America.

So this morning Vicky was feeling ill, so I ofcourse had fun at her expense and kept insinuating that she has an STD…at one point she was talking & her voice was raspy so I said that the reason she sounded that way was because she had a mouthful of open sores. Oddly enough, people believed what I said…so much so that Vicky went on her facebook to make this statement:

I had to respond, but she said to shut up, so I figured a picture would speak 1000 words (gotta love her response):

We were talking about the video interview that one of the Rock Girl hopefuls did…and in it…she said something interesting…

Yes, Erin W. said that she once made out with her cousin…on a dare. That being said…we took calls from people who also have done dumb dares…here were some of the texts we got:

I asked my 8th grade English teacher if she was a prostitute while she was teaching a class. Epic Fail

The dumbest thing i have ever done on a dare is slap a kent police officer. I got a year in jail for that.

I buried my pecker in the snow on a dare. Yes it hurt!

I was dared to streak down the road in my home town. It was dumb but pretty liberating as well. –​ Jenn

I once ate a tablespoon of cayanne pepper on a dare. It burned every time i used the restroom for 3 days afterwards

I once ate a 30+ year old penny on a dare… A couple weeks later i developed an ulcer in my stomach, dont kniw if it was jist coincidence or if the penny

I was dared to run out to a play ground in my apartment complex naked and grab a hundred bucks that my friend put there. Now im a registered sex offender

In Vegas, one of my buddies was dared to swim across the fountain at the Bellagio. He did…now he is banned for life from there. FAIL

I kicked the high school football captin in his balls on dare freshman year. boy dumb move

Vote for yer fave rock girl hopeful here: http://www.kisw.com/pages/9505257.php  

Today’s Video Blog started off with us doing some office reorganizing, but we got distracted when Thrill showed up with his baby daughter!

Here is the same VLOG for you iPHONE users.

Yesterday during our segment Group Therapy, we read an email from Andrew who needed our help.

His girlfriend of two years (and they live together), came back from the bars on Saturday with a bunch of roses that were given to her by random men at the bar. His girlfriend and her friends don’t see it as a big deal because she didn’t have sex or anything with these men.

Women are funny; they think because they didn’t have sex with another guy that we are stupid enough to think they still didn’t have fun by flirting and getting attention from them. They love the emotional exchange, which is why we know that emotional cheating is the new form of being unfaithful.

Whether they admit it or not, flirting and gift giving is like foreplay to women. Let’s be honest ladies; when you go to a bar and flirt up a storm, it is emotional foreplay…yet you think it’s ok for that to happen.

We all know how it works when people go to a bar; most guys are there looking for some action. If you’re not interested in taking a man home with you, don’t accept his gifts or attention; just let him move on so he can get what he’s looking for from someone else.

We also received a text from a woman who said, “They are just flowers, why throw them away? They’re just flowers. She didn’t go home with the guy. She didn’t hide anything, she just brought them home. There is nothing behind it.”

Well, men just want sex; it doesn’t mean that he’s going to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her, he just loves vagina so why throw it away?

Women totally trivialize what hurts a guy. I know you love flowers….and I love va-jay-jay, but guess what? I can only have one and that would be my wife’s; and I only have one because I am faithful to her physically and emotionally, unlike Andrew’s girlfriend apparently.

3/31/2011

Don’t forget more SLAYER tickets for you to text to win tomorrow @ 6:50pm!

A7X’s “So Far Away” went to the Cockfight Hall Of Fame tonight. Two new Challengers tomorrow. Hint, one will be a new LOADED song!

On a side note, is it any wonder we as a collective of peeps have sush a hard time sleeping. More work, less free time and overall OVERSTIMULATION!!

So as long as I’m gunna fantasize about a vacation somewhere sunny…how about Cali, in Ozzy’s crib??

Ozzy Osbourne is still trying to unload his Malibu, California beach house. The home, which has been for rent at $40,000 a month, has 4500 square feet spread over three floors, with five bedrooms and five bathrooms. There’s also a library, office and a roof deck. Originally listed for $14 million in 2006, the price has been dropped to $10 million. Ozzy paid $5.1 million for it in 2003.

Have a lovely night, I’ve got more to do yo!

Jolene

“Hola,

According to ‘The Globe and Mail’, a Canadian newspaper, Seattle ranks 7th best overall city IN THE WORLD.  On the other hand, the Wall Street Journal ranked Seattle as the 3rd most miserable city in America… and not because of the weather or lack of social skills, but because of ‘consumer attitudes’.  In other words, it’s really f**king expensive to live here, but for no discernable reason.  Meanwhile, in a recent poll, two thirds of people in Emerald City believe that Mayor “two- tone” McGinn is doing a lousy job.  The general consensus is that McGinn is unaware of anything in Seattle OTHER than the Alaskan Viaduct replacement.  Oh, and speaking of roadways, the 4- mile stretch of southbound I- 405 in Bellevue was ranked the 8th worst in America on the list of “50 Highways from Hell”.  Anyone unfortunate enough to have to deal with that sliver of 405 probably already knew that.  Like anywhere, Seattle has its good and its bad… so does Tacoma, Everett, Port Orchard, Olympia, etc, etc.  We don’t know where you live, and that’s why we wanted your answer to today’s question:  WHAT’S THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY OF WHERE YOU LIVE?

Here were today’s answers, in order of the good, the bad and the ugly:

Oakville… fireworks and cheap smokes, economically depressed

Bremerton… fee ferry rides to Seattle, meth, the women

St. Petersburg, Florida… women, humidity and old people

Auburn… affordable housing, rides bike 30 miles to work and meth heads

Spanaway… great view of Rainier, bored teens and, wait for it, meth heads

Renton… great fast food, close to everything, crime/ criminals

Lake Stevens… large property and good neighbors, winter storms that wreak havoc and his neighbor’s dog constantly sh*tting in his yard

SeaTac… quiet (???), Burien is way too close and “trailer trash”

Enumclaw… quiet and relaxing/ smells like “cow anus”

Fremont… lots of bars/ hipsters and elitist/ too many Thai places

OK, I could go on, but got a little distracted today by about a million different things, so, you know, sorry bitches.  One of those days.

Until tomorrow, steal a kiss from a crook and STAY BEAUTIFUL!”

    What up blogger? So like you I have been watching a bunch of college hoops lately and I always end up wishing I was taller. You know when you watch people play and they are so good but part of me wonders if they are that great or just that tall. First lets take the girl from Baylor. I would use her name but its girls college hoops so I am not up to date on the names. Anyhow she is a beast but she is also taller than almost anyone on the court so is really that much better. Now lets just look at average basketball player and they are what 6 foot easy i would say. I think this allows them to shoot better since they are closer to the rim. Now if you are reading this and thinking that it sounds like sour grapes from me you are right. I wish I a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl that looked good I would call her. In the end I wish I was really better a hoops. Well I going to at least keep trying since I play every week. Holla

Today marks thirty years since President Ronald Reagan was shot and seriously injured outside a Washington, D.C., hotel. I cant believe it was 30 years ago when he was shot by John Hinckley Jr, who did it to impress actress Jodie Foster (that still makes me scratch my head…how would that impress her?). Reagan suffered a punctured lung but recovered, and would go on to serve another term. He was the first serving president to survive an assassination attempt. I remember as a kid being so torn up about this that I actually wrote Ronald Reagan a “Get Well” note…I remember drawing him in the hospital with crayons, and said that I hope he gets better soon. The best part of this was that Nancy Reagan wrote me back!!! She thanked me for the kind note, and told me to say no to drugs. Ok the first part of that sentence was true.

Props to the gang here at KISW (Brian in Promotions, and Seth in the Video Department…ok we don’t really have a video department, but it sounded cool to say that)…this year we are doing something new when it comes to voting for Rock Girls. When you go to the voting page…not only can you see a picture, but also check out a video piece about each girl…here is the voting page: http://www.kisw.com/pages/9505257.php  Here is an example of the video segment…check out Erin W:

So a Federal Way man is planning on suing Monster Energy drinks because he found a dead mouse in the can while drinking it. He even had tests done…CSI style…to prove he didn’t put it in there to get a pay day. We were trying to figure out how and why a mouse would want to jump in the can. Did he jump in the can and then the liquid was poured in the can & then sealed shut…or…was the rat in a vat of energy drink & then poured in the can? Regardless…you think there are gerbils out there laughing at the mouse for this? “Silly mouse, you picked the wrong can to enter…should have went with Richard Gere!” Because of this story, we asked people what was the craziest thing they have seen in food or drink…here were some of the texts we received:

Back in high school, I found a cockroach baked into my waffle fries. Luckily i saw it before i ate it. The school never offered waffle fries again after that

I used to waitress and would find things ppl would stuff into the ketsup bottles, dollar bills, coins,. gum, i even found a bandaid once

In high school I once found an entire latex glove sitting in my burger

Found a full grown rat in a bag of chips when I was in college. Didn’t realize until we ate half the bag. Never puked more while sober.

Used to work at a pizza place and a eighth inch of a finger tip in a large pineapple can

We came across an article in this website called “Guyism” that gave the 7 signs the woman in your life is certifiably crazy…check this out:

7. She constantly talks about changing her appearance to look like a character. When you meet a girl that can’t stop talking about how much she wants to look like Angelina Jolie in “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, it might be time to ask a few questions.

6. She quotes things from your profile before you become Facebook friends. If your new girl comments on how she saw you wearing that shirt in a profile picture from a few months back, pay heed.

5. Demanding a specific kind of food at odd hours. There’s no reason to have a near blood lust for steak at 11 in the morning and throwing a tantrum when it isn’t fulfilled.

4. She cites “amateur gunslinger” as one of her hobbies. Yes, ladies with guns can be sexy. You know what else is sexy? Not being afraid of getting shot by a pissed off girlfriend.

3. She blacks out uncontrollably every time she drinks. If your girl can’t open up a bottle of Zima without getting all wastey face then you may have a problem.

2. She knows how to speak a made up language. If your girl can tell you that you’re being a really terrible boyfriend in the language of the Na’vi, then your only real option here is to learn how to say hit the road–and promptly put your newfound skill to use.

1. Gets into physical fights with everyone around her — including you. There is nothing, NOTHING, crazier than a girl who can just snap and try to deck you in the face Mayweather style.

So we asked this question…whether it be your current or past relationship…when did you realize your significant other was nuts?

Here are some of the texts we received:

When my ex stabbed a waiter in the leg with a fork because he was flirting with me.

Past! When we got into an argument, she told me 2 leave and then when I tried 2 leave she ripped my shirt off of me trying 2 keep me from walking out the

I found out my ex girlfriend was nuts when one day after 1.5 years she left a couple old diaries out on the bed and all of here crazy friends she had fro m Seattle were listed in the back of the diary as her 13 multiple personalities with their primary personality traits and names.

I knew my ex was certifiably crazy when she hit me in the testicles while I was sleeping.

Realizd shes nuts when she bought me pink and yellow dress shirts. I mean if ur gona spend the 135 bucks pick out somethin id wear.

I knew my ex was nuts when she got a chihuahua and for me to keep dating her I had to get the dog’s approval. -Steve the ferry rider

I knew my ex was bat-s**t-crazy when he followed me to the WWE PPV event @ key arena. I was with my new boyfriend. We had front row tickets. He kept calling me & texting me from the rafters way up in the nosebleed section. He watched us the whole event!!

Realized she was crazy when she set me on fire during an argument

Today’s Video Blog is the latest installment of the Intern Challenge. Today’s Intern Challenge is another submission from a H-Hole. Jessica sent us a Facebook message: Hey Guys, you should have Tahiti Steve try and convince someone to zip his fly. I bet he won’t be able to get someone to go there!!! Tahiti Steve has 60 seconds to convince someone to Zip up his pants zipper…will he do it?

Here is the same VLOG for you iPHONE users:

Last week I read a story that infuriated me. The Sun, which is a British tabloid magazine, did a story about a San Francisco mother named Kerry Campbell who gives her eight-year-old daughter Britney Botox injections.

The reason Kerry is poking and prodding her daughter with needles is because she doesn’t want Britney to be at a disadvantage in the beauty pageant world.

On top of the injections Kerry administers to her daughter, she also takes little Britney to get a “virgin wax”, which removes the fluffy hair on her legs and prevents her pubic hair from growing when she hits puberty!

I don’t understand why anyone would think this is ok to do. This should be considered child abuse! It’s a violation to their bodies.

This whole child beauty pageant world is completely insane! Girls shouldn’t be allowed to enter beauty pageants until they are 18 because they would be doing it as a consenting adult!

No woman in the beauty pageant world would admit to this but it’s all about objectifying themselves for other people, even though that’s what you claim you hate and don’t want us men to do. From the form fitting dress competition to the swim suits, everything is sexual about this and yet we allow young children to take part in pageants.

Women are running rampant dressing up their little girls (and sometimes even boys too) like sexy plastic dolls for their own selfish reasons, and we as men need to step up and do something otherwise the next generation is doomed.